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"The Husband Store"
DesiGal
A friend of mine sent me this joke......it's hilarious!!!!=========================================== A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids."That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more."So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking."Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework."Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly resist this!!"Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store!!PLEASE NOTE:To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.The first floor has wives that love sex.The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited!!
Guuuut
So true, so true. Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.I can only think of one additional feature that would drive women to the 6th floor.
Savoir Faire
At least the men are intellectually honest.
DesiGal
What is that additional feature Guuuut?
wrx guy
I've heard a better version of this joke, the features listed on the 5th floor were... Fantastic in Bed, Drop dead Gorgeous, Romantic, have jobs, love kids and help with house work... and in the male version, only the 1st floor has been visited... (women who love sex)
ElleOhElle
This joke reminds me of a dream I had once. I dreamt I was shopping for a husband at a husband tree store which looked a lot like Home Depot.You could get all sorts of husbands there, just depending on the variety of tree. Orange trees produced husbands who were good natured and sweet, while apple trees were where you picked doctors. If you wanted a manly man you headed over to the redwood and pine tree isle. Maple trees produced the best fathers. Cherry trees produced men who liked other men. You could get exotic husbands from Palm trees, but you had to go out in the garden section for them. There were a few sales going on while I shopped. Men from bananna trees were being sold for .39 cents a pound or $2 for the bunch and they were running a buy-one-get-one-free special on men from pecan trees - apparently husbands from nut trees were not in high demand. I wandered around the store and ended up by the return department. There was a lady trying to return her husband for straying and the worker behind the counter said "I'm sorry maam, but what did you expect from a dogwood?" I felt really sorry for her. And then I woke up. I have some pretty crazy dreams. This was after watching Men in Trees on TV so that may have had something to do with it LOL
DesiGal
Here's another one: ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++TO: ALL EMPLOYEES FROM: MANAGEMENT Dear Staff,It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci Bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. PERSONAL DAYS:Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.They are called Saturday and Sunday. LUNCH BREAKS:Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill SICK DAYS:We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender"category. SURGERY: As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice day!++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guuuut
What is that additional feature Guuuut?Let's just say the Husbands on the 6th floor wouldn't be driving Corvettes.
DesiGal
A friend of mine sent me this joke......it's hilarious!!!!=========================================== A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids."That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more."So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking."Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework."Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly resist this!!"Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store!!PLEASE NOTE:To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.The first floor has wives that love sex.The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited!!
Guuuut
So true, so true. Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.I can only think of one additional feature that would drive women to the 6th floor.
Savoir Faire
At least the men are intellectually honest.
DesiGal
What is that additional feature Guuuut?
wrx guy
I've heard a better version of this joke, the features listed on the 5th floor were... Fantastic in Bed, Drop dead Gorgeous, Romantic, have jobs, love kids and help with house work... and in the male version, only the 1st floor has been visited... (women who love sex)
ElleOhElle
This joke reminds me of a dream I had once. I dreamt I was shopping for a husband at a husband tree store which looked a lot like Home Depot.You could get all sorts of husbands there, just depending on the variety of tree. Orange trees produced husbands who were good natured and sweet, while apple trees were where you picked doctors. If you wanted a manly man you headed over to the redwood and pine tree isle. Maple trees produced the best fathers. Cherry trees produced men who liked other men. You could get exotic husbands from Palm trees, but you had to go out in the garden section for them. There were a few sales going on while I shopped. Men from bananna trees were being sold for .39 cents a pound or $2 for the bunch and they were running a buy-one-get-one-free special on men from pecan trees - apparently husbands from nut trees were not in high demand. I wandered around the store and ended up by the return department. There was a lady trying to return her husband for straying and the worker behind the counter said "I'm sorry maam, but what did you expect from a dogwood?" I felt really sorry for her. And then I woke up. I have some pretty crazy dreams. This was after watching Men in Trees on TV so that may have had something to do with it LOL
DesiGal
Here's another one: ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++TO: ALL EMPLOYEES FROM: MANAGEMENT Dear Staff,It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci Bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. PERSONAL DAYS:Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.They are called Saturday and Sunday. LUNCH BREAKS:Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill SICK DAYS:We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender"category. SURGERY: As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice day!++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guuuut
What is that additional feature Guuuut?Let's just say the Husbands on the 6th floor wouldn't be driving Corvettes.
DesiGal
A friend of mine sent me this joke......it's hilarious!!!!=========================================== A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids."That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more."So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking."Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework."Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly resist this!!"Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store!!PLEASE NOTE:To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.The first floor has wives that love sex.The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited!!
Guuuut
So true, so true. Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.I can only think of one additional feature that would drive women to the 6th floor.
Savoir Faire
At least the men are intellectually honest.
DesiGal
What is that additional feature Guuuut?
wrx guy
I've heard a better version of this joke, the features listed on the 5th floor were... Fantastic in Bed, Drop dead Gorgeous, Romantic, have jobs, love kids and help with house work... and in the male version, only the 1st floor has been visited... (women who love sex)
ElleOhElle
This joke reminds me of a dream I had once. I dreamt I was shopping for a husband at a husband tree store which looked a lot like Home Depot.You could get all sorts of husbands there, just depending on the variety of tree. Orange trees produced husbands who were good natured and sweet, while apple trees were where you picked doctors. If you wanted a manly man you headed over to the redwood and pine tree isle. Maple trees produced the best fathers. Cherry trees produced men who liked other men. You could get exotic husbands from Palm trees, but you had to go out in the garden section for them. There were a few sales going on while I shopped. Men from bananna trees were being sold for .39 cents a pound or $2 for the bunch and they were running a buy-one-get-one-free special on men from pecan trees - apparently husbands from nut trees were not in high demand. I wandered around the store and ended up by the return department. There was a lady trying to return her husband for straying and the worker behind the counter said "I'm sorry maam, but what did you expect from a dogwood?" I felt really sorry for her. And then I woke up. I have some pretty crazy dreams. This was after watching Men in Trees on TV so that may have had something to do with it LOL
DesiGal
Here's another one: ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++TO: ALL EMPLOYEES FROM: MANAGEMENT Dear Staff,It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci Bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. PERSONAL DAYS:Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.They are called Saturday and Sunday. LUNCH BREAKS:Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill SICK DAYS:We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender"category. SURGERY: As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice day!++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Guuuut
What is that additional feature Guuuut?Let's just say the Husbands on the 6th floor wouldn't be driving Corvettes.