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6 months are perfect with him, accept.... (help!)
LikeWindToAFire
I've been with a great guy for 6 months, and I'm not sure if its just my own mind tendency to overanalize or if my feelings have a hint of accuracy. His ex just told him that she didn't love him anymore after they were together for almost 3 years and she moved out. They are both 23 and were together during their last couple of years of college. She and him were living together in order to try and make things work and realizing that things were only getting worse, he moved out back into his parents place until she could move out.Him and I met and hit it off right after they ended things (about 2 weeks after she had finally moved out of his place and he mmoved back in). But, i went to his parents house about 2 months after we started dating and a picture oh him and his ex was still on the fridge which really bummed me out. And her shampoo is STILL in his bathroom, and there was still pics of them in the files on his computer. And on facebook, he didn't "untag" himself from the photos of them together until i mentioned that it bothered me. And the thing which hurt me the most was that him and I met may 26th, and I saw a mfacebook message to her from between july 13th to july 17th telling her that he'll never love anyone how he loved her and that he'll always love her. it just really hurt me. But even before i told him that i had read that, he had told me that he felt that he got over his ex right before/during out vacation to florida (which was july 26th). he even bought her a car while they were dating and theres issues with the inurance b/c she was put under his name and she has to give him $100 a month, which she usually comes into his work to give to him, which kind of bothers me too. he continues to tell me that he loves me and how our realtionship is so much better than his last one and how happy i make him, but its just little things that i see here and there like photos that hurt me and confuse me. my biggest fear is someone not feeling the same way about me as i feel about them.any thoughts?
pinstripe
Hmmm, I just read this same story on the Marriage board.
lifesgood
Hmmm kind of the same situation I'm in, but my guy is attempting to cut ties with her. Luckily he doesn't have to see her for any reason like bills.I hate seeing pics of her or seeing something that was left in his house. But I have to remember that they were together for 5 years, in your case 3. That's a long time especially when they live together. No matter what they are always going to love that other person even if they aren't in love with them. I still having love for my ex and it's been 4 years since we broke up. You just need to be honest with eachother and have communication. Do you think you are a rebound relationship?
LikeWindToAFire
its me again! im just seeking advice from people who may just look at this message board. im just kind of stressing
pinstripe
He's 23? IMO that's too young to be in a relationship, especially when you just got out of a 3 yr one. It does seem as if you are the rebound relationship. I'd say give him more time to get over her, that's also the advice that was already given to you, but it really can't get any clearer.
LikeWindToAFire
i dont feel like a rebound.. only when things of her's keep coming up. and when i looked on his facebook, i read things like "i'll love you forever", and that was 2 months into our relationship.... and its things like that which i just cant forget! but he tells me he was confused at that time (i was supposed to go to the navy but then decided to do the college-route instead). he said he was confused because he really liked me, but thought that was going away, and he just felt that he needed a fallback... and thats why he wrote those things...
LikeWindToAFire
i called him and i think im going to suggest that we take a break... but its so hard to say. and do you think that if i did mention going on a break that whether or not he tries to make an effort to make things work, will it tell me whether he acctually loves me or not?
pinstripe
and he just felt that he needed a fallback... and thats why he wrote those things...He's 23 and immature, expect him to act this way until he is mature enough to handle a relationship without need of a "fallback."
LikeWindToAFire
thats the part that confused me too. because everyone that knows him realizes that he truly is a mature guy. and i think he's very mature as well.i talked to him on the phone about an hour ago mentioning the shampoo thing and the fact that there was still a pic of her in his facebook photo album, and he tells me that he wasnt even aware of those things.and i asked him how he'd feel if he saw some guy's cologne in my room and he said he wouldnt care. thats wierd, isnt it? if he cared about me wouldnt he care if a guys cologne was in my room from a past relationship?
kerplunkLYN
called him and i think im going to suggest that we take a break... but its so hard to say. and do you think that if i did mention going on a break that whether or not he tries to make an effort to make things work, will it tell me whether he acctually loves me or not?No. What you're doing is breaking up with him so that he comes running back to you. It's childish, selfish, and not to mention insecure, whiny and needy. What if you break up with him and he says okay? What then?
lifesgood
and i asked him how he'd feel if he saw some guy's cologne in my room and he said he wouldnt care. thats wierd, isnt it? No, most guys don't care about that stuff like us crazy girls do.
kerplunkLYN
and i think he's very mature as well.Well, in comparison to you, he very well might be. thats wierd, isnt it? if he cared about me wouldnt he care if a guys cologne was in my room from a past relationship?Not necessarily. But, within the context of your blatant insecurity, I could see how this would bother you. I mean, is there anything that DOESN'T bother you?
LikeWindToAFire
then i'll have no choice but to totally end things. if he'd be alright with just breaking up over things that he DOES have the capability of changing but doesnt want to, then i'll know he just doesnt care enough to try and work things out
kerplunkLYN
i'll know he just doesnt care enough to try and work things outI love your reason. You are going to dump him to prove to yourself that he doesn't want to be with you. Nice. I hope he sees how manipulative you are and breaks up with you.
pinstripe
then i'll know he just doesnt care enough to try and work things outThat's lame, if you want a "break" you might as well full on break up with him and mean it! It sounds like you are just trying to test him. This ex situation clearly bothers you, so do something about it, either stay and deal with it or leave and give him some time to get over this other person.
Oh Kay
No. What you're doing is breaking up with him so that he comes running back to you. It's childish, selfish, and not to mention insecure, whiny and needy. What if you break up with him and he says okay? What then?You are on a roll tonight Girlfriend.
Oh Kay
No, most guys don't care about that stuff like us crazy girls do. It would bother my guy if I had some other guy's cologne in my bathroom. I think I would be bothered a little by another woman's shampoo, too. But I'd stick my head out the door & say "Hey, do you use this? Because if you don't, I'm gonna toss it. Ok?" If he has a problem tossing her shampoo, then she's got a problem. If not, problem solved. OP: The pictures, the facebook, let it go & live in today. Those are a bunch of his most recent memories, fill them with good ones of the two of you guys, not whiny, insecure ones. Quit playing games, face it head on.
slinky9
You're all missing the point. He was professing his love for this "ex" girlfriend, two months into the relationship with the OP. LikeWind, is he still talking to her ? Emailing her ? Texting her ? Either way, it is clear that he wasn't over her when he started dating you. And even if they are not currently speaking, he may still hold a torch for her. Ask him to remove the shampoo, and put away the pictures and everything else. If he balks, then you have your answer.
Oh Kay
You're all missing the point. He was professing his love for this "ex" girlfriend, two months into the relationship with the OP.I'm not missing anything. What's done is done. The fact that he emailed his ex two months into the relationship has nothing to do with today. The only way it would matter would be if he was STILL emailing his ex professing his love.
Sarah2201
I have to agree with kerplunkLYN. I think you are leading way to far into it. Were you happy with the answer that he was unsure of the two of you until your trip to FL? If so, then why let that bother you? You have to make a choice to believe him or not, and only you can do that, I doubt that his story is going to change. I moved in with my current boyfriend after about a year and half of dating and there was still shampoo, face wash, lotion and all types of women products under his sink, even tampons. Once I found all of those items I was a lil upset, but I jsut cleaned out the sink one night and that was the end of that. Most men dont do alot of housecleaning in the areas most people dont see. Why doesnt the shampoo and facebook acct count? I am the same age as your boyfriend and also fancy myself mature, but we are still young. Although we have many life experinces, we have not faced it all, and dont always know the best way to handle something. (ie frist real love breakup, next girlfriend being upset about shampoo from the last....) Also on another note, why are you so fast to end the relantionship? Are you really unhappy and unsure about it. Stop coming up with silly reasons how he has hurt you... And a lil advice...Like I said I am 23 yrs old and my boyfriend is older much older....so no matter how old.....men are mostly the same. Some things dont matter to them like it does a women...one lesson I have learned in my young age!! GOOD LUCK!
LikeWindToAFire
then i'll have no choice but to totally end things. if he'd be alright with just breaking up over things that he DOES have the capability of changing but doesnt want to, then i'll know he just doesnt care enough to try and work things out
kerplunkLYN
i'll know he just doesnt care enough to try and work things outI love your reason. You are going to dump him to prove to yourself that he doesn't want to be with you. Nice. I hope he sees how manipulative you are and breaks up with you.
pinstripe
then i'll know he just doesnt care enough to try and work things outThat's lame, if you want a "break" you might as well full on break up with him and mean it! It sounds like you are just trying to test him. This ex situation clearly bothers you, so do something about it, either stay and deal with it or leave and give him some time to get over this other person.
Oh Kay
No. What you're doing is breaking up with him so that he comes running back to you. It's childish, selfish, and not to mention insecure, whiny and needy. What if you break up with him and he says okay? What then?You are on a roll tonight Girlfriend.
Oh Kay
No, most guys don't care about that stuff like us crazy girls do. It would bother my guy if I had some other guy's cologne in my bathroom. I think I would be bothered a little by another woman's shampoo, too. But I'd stick my head out the door & say "Hey, do you use this? Because if you don't, I'm gonna toss it. Ok?" If he has a problem tossing her shampoo, then she's got a problem. If not, problem solved. OP: The pictures, the facebook, let it go & live in today. Those are a bunch of his most recent memories, fill them with good ones of the two of you guys, not whiny, insecure ones. Quit playing games, face it head on.
slinky9
You're all missing the point. He was professing his love for this "ex" girlfriend, two months into the relationship with the OP. LikeWind, is he still talking to her ? Emailing her ? Texting her ? Either way, it is clear that he wasn't over her when he started dating you. And even if they are not currently speaking, he may still hold a torch for her. Ask him to remove the shampoo, and put away the pictures and everything else. If he balks, then you have your answer.
Oh Kay
You're all missing the point. He was professing his love for this "ex" girlfriend, two months into the relationship with the OP.I'm not missing anything. What's done is done. The fact that he emailed his ex two months into the relationship has nothing to do with today. The only way it would matter would be if he was STILL emailing his ex professing his love.
Sarah2201
I have to agree with kerplunkLYN. I think you are leading way to far into it. Were you happy with the answer that he was unsure of the two of you until your trip to FL? If so, then why let that bother you? You have to make a choice to believe him or not, and only you can do that, I doubt that his story is going to change. I moved in with my current boyfriend after about a year and half of dating and there was still shampoo, face wash, lotion and all types of women products under his sink, even tampons. Once I found all of those items I was a lil upset, but I jsut cleaned out the sink one night and that was the end of that. Most men dont do alot of housecleaning in the areas most people dont see. Why doesnt the shampoo and facebook acct count? I am the same age as your boyfriend and also fancy myself mature, but we are still young. Although we have many life experinces, we have not faced it all, and dont always know the best way to handle something. (ie frist real love breakup, next girlfriend being upset about shampoo from the last....) Also on another note, why are you so fast to end the relantionship? Are you really unhappy and unsure about it. Stop coming up with silly reasons how he has hurt you... And a lil advice...Like I said I am 23 yrs old and my boyfriend is older much older....so no matter how old.....men are mostly the same. Some things dont matter to them like it does a women...one lesson I have learned in my young age!! GOOD LUCK!