AM I TOSSING IN ALLLLL THE RIGHT INGREDIENTS FOR TROUBLE???

OCDB
Depends did you throw in any dill? I don't know about you, but there is such a thing as too much dill.

Guuuut
She sure deleted that fast. Trouble is what she was going to get, nothing like a good bar room fight at a birthday party.

jillraye
Depends did you throw in any dill? How about some of those yummy little grape tomatoes?Guuuut - fill us in.

LADYBELLA
Ok, I was dating a guy for about 8 months. Let's call him Jimmy. Ever since the beginning, Jimmy knew I had just got out of a 3 year relationship and was NOT looking to jump back into another and be exclusive (something he made quite clear to me that he was looking for). He continued dating me anyway because he probably thought he could change my mind. Naturally, 5 months in... I began dating another guy (Let's call him Matt) I had met Matt 4 months ago and hung out a few times. For the past 3 months I was dating Jimmy and Matt at the same time. (no guilt right?) Well just a week ago... Jimmy said he couldn't do this "halfway" thing and decided it was best to just be friends because he felt he was starting to take things too close to heart. Through out those 8 months Jimmy and I dated, we got intimate and feelings on both sides were felt. Okay, here's the deal. Jimmy knows my birthday is this Sat and that I had been planning on going out with friends to celebrate. Matt is of course going to be present (Jimmy doesn't know about Matt) and I expressed just how much I had hoped we could follow thru with our "friends" deal and actually mean it. He said "Well, call me anytime you want to hang out". I KNOW Jimmy is expecting me to invite him to my b-day shindig this Sat. My new guy knows exactly who he is. He knows I used to date Jimmy and what not. Will it be disrespectful to the new guy Matt (I reeeeaaally like him)AND Jimmy??? Matt and I are never all over eachother in public and have more of a good friends vibe in public more than a romantic one so...do you guys thnk I can pull it off to Jimmy that this new guy is just a good friend so his feelings wont be hurt or to avoid any awkwardness???? Will Matt be okay with me inviting Jimmy granted that there is OBVIOUSLY nothing going on between us anymore since I did invite both of them??please advice!!

LADYBELLA
Sorry accidentally deleted it oooops! But please read above

jillraye
Since Jimmy doesn't know about Matt, I think you would (in a way) be making a fool out of him if you were to have both he and Matt at the same party. Perhaps you need to tell him about Matt.

Guuuut
Nothing pumps a guy up more then getting made a fool of and learning his ex-gf is sleeping with someone else at the same time. I think you are being self-centered.

LADYBELLA
No no I wasn't sleeping with both at the same time (heck, I haven't even slept with Matt) I would have told Jimmy about Matt if he would've asked if I was seeing someone else but he never asked. He would even say sometimes "I know we're not exclusive and you could do blah blah" The question is...I don't want Jimmy to feel hurt if I don't invite him to my b-day KNOWING all my close friends will be invited but at the same time... I would hate for him to somehow realise that Matt and I are dating and not just friends and feel even worse! OR Matt to feel like "Ok, why is she inviting the guy she used to date?" But I'm going to tell Matt it felt only right considering we are still friends. I'm sure Matt will be cool with it (I hope)

jillraye
Good luck.

Que_Sera_118
Well, if I were you, I would tell Jimmy that you ARE seeing Matt and you have been for a few months, then tell him if he still wishes to come he is welcome, but that Matt will be there. If he says yes, let Matt know and explain that you did tell Jimmy about him.

LADYBELLA
I would feel awkward telling Jimmy "Uh by the way the new guy I'm dating will be there so if your're too hurt don't come" haha That I feel would make him feel like "Pshh she swears!" I just don't think I owe him any explinations you know or that he would even care for one. We are done and I never really gave it a chance to completely let myself in. We had a weeeeeeeeeeeeird relationship were we both had walls adn he'd act as if he was indifferent but at the same time said he was always open to more than just dating with me... So, calling him just to tell him "Hey, just in case you care...my new guy will be there" is not an option! I just want to find a way to pull it off as "We are all a happy family" Matt will understand...will it be too much for me to ask Matt to kindly keep a friendly distance just out of respect for Jimmy? I guess that's my question...

Que_Sera_118
"Hey, just in case you care...my new guy will be there" is not an option! I don't understand why it isn't an option. I think if you invite Jimmy and DON'T tell him, someone else there probably will and he will end up feeling like a fool. will it be too much for me to ask Matt to kindly keep a friendly distance just out of respect for Jimmy?Yes, if I was put in that position I'd be pi$$ed. I'd be thinking why can't you just tell him? If you were never that serious and you only want to be friends, whats the bfd? I think its just creating unnecessary drama.

Guuuut
She seems to be a self centered, drama queen. Maybe Jimmy was keeping distance to avoid getting hurt and maintaining a friendship is a way to keep a foot in the door. If it's over then it's over, don't invite Jimmy, you are asking for trouble, you risk hurting his feelings, and potentially creating a great bar room fight all to assuage your ego.

Kendra_is_Kendra
When I was 21 I went to a wedding as my friend's maid of honour. My new bf came with me and my recent ex was also in attendance as friend of the groom. I was young and foolish. I thought the ex would not figure it out and I hid the fact I had a new man in my life. Well, someone told the ex about the new bf before hand and the ex chose to come to the wedding. Someone who swore not to told him decided it was in his best interests. The ex came, got wildly drunk, had a crying fit, punched a door, tried to pick fights and embarrassed himself. This was all not in his normal character, but the result of jealousy, confusion, hurt feelings and an unfair situation. So, if my experience is anything to go by, don't do what you're planning to do. It will go poorly because you cannot possibly control enough of the variables to ensure no one's feelings get hurt.You first priority is to your boyfriend. He's invited. The other guy does not need to come. Find a gentle, non-public way to explain things to the other guy. Do not-- Do NOT create an opportunity for him to find out publically. That would be sooo unfair to him. Everyone deserves to have their private reactions privately.

kerplunkLYN
This seems pretty obvious to anyone with a heart and a brain, but curiously, it seems you are missing both. You like Matt, invite Matt. Jimmy is an ex. You don't bring your ex to meet your new boyfriend, and you don't put your new boyfriend on friend duty to accomodate an ex. I agree with Guuuut. You are being selfish and I think you secretly want them to come to blows over you. I hope they both come, both dump you, and ruin your birthday.

canterbury
Just curious here, but why would you enter a relationship knowing the other person expects different things from the relationship? If I'm looking to date multiple people, I would not go out with someone who wanted to be exclusive. That's just asking for trouble.

lh37214
Ladybella - this is one time you can't have your cake and eat it too - don't invite Jimmy. How old are you anyway?

LADYBELLA
Jimmy is not an ex of mine...we were just dating (im sure he was dating others as well) But.... he WOULD throw out the idea that he'd like something more serious with me several times and I was always honest with him in telling him that I wasn't ready for that. Matt is NOT a new boyfriend...just someone I met in March and started dating mid July. Also, NOT exclusive. Still very casual :) Okay, I just feel like if I DON't invite Jimmy... he'd feel the burn. He knows I'm celebrating my birthday this Saturday and WILL expect an invite. If I want to remain friends with this guy (I really do) an invite is a must I feel. He's slightly prideful and would probably feel unimportant and will not follow thru with the friendship. THAT'S A FOR SURE THING!!! None of my friends would blow my cover so I'm not worried about that. Especially since Matt and I are not a serious thing. Yeah I could pretend that my b-day got cancelled blah blah but... we are going to a bar that he could VERY likely attend (one of his faves) and knows people who are regulars.I feel it would be better if I invited him rather than him running into me and seeing the celebration happening without him. BTW!!! He has actually met Matt before WHILE I was dating both! I met up with some friends for bowling and I invited Matt and guess who was in the ring next to us???? YUP! Jimmy! Being that Matt and I have this great understanding of not being that overly romantic mushy couple... I pulled it off with both! Phew.... Geeeeeeezz if it was for my own ego's sake, I would invite the ACTUAL ex of 3 years! Now THAT would be drama!! Even I know not to go there! haha

trudyML
If you really mean you want to be Jimmy's friend why on earth would you put him in a potentially awful situation? You are being a friend by doing that. Show some respect to Jimmy and tell him you are seeing someone, thus no party invite.

Sissy_1
will it be too much for me to ask Matt to kindly keep a friendly distance just out of respect for Jimmy?This is MESSED up. Good luck! If Matt's a fair guy..he might do that. Perhaps though, you need to look at yourself and how selfish you are being to Jimmy...Jimmy wants a relationship with you....and you dont' with him. Perhaps you ought to let Jimmy go....so he can move on.

LADYBELLA
I have let him go (or better said) he has let me go. He decided he couldn't do this "Halfway" thing with me so friends it is... I agreed. I could've been selfish and said "Oh no! I do want something wiht you...just give me time blah blah " but I agreed. Jimmy was NOT in love with me or anything... I doubt he'll go home and cry. I just don't want to ruin the possibility of being friends if he feels I invited him to shove things in his face which he has NOOOOOOO idea I'm trying really hard not to (keeping my distance with Matt while he's there) Heck! I may not even need to ask Matt to keep it on a friendly level because we seem to do that anyway when we are out in public. We are not the type to hold hands, hug, kiss etc. If anything...we share a lot of laughs and at the most, we sit really close to eachother but I'd act that way with a platonic friend anyway...Maybe I'm stressing over nothing and Jimmy will feel good knowing I invited him (who knows if he'll EVEN show) and Matt will feel good knowing Jimmy and I are definitely over since he'll only see the frienship vibe with me and Jimmy and we'll all be a happy family??

Sissy_1
Maybe I'm stressing over nothing and Jimmy will feel good knowing I invited him (who knows if he'll EVEN show) and Matt will feel good knowing Jimmy and I are definitely over since he'll only see the frienship vibe with me and Jimmy and we'll all be a happy family??Girl..what part of "don't invite Jimmy" are you not getting? Everyone has said that. Jimmy might be telling you he just "wants to be friends" but it doesn't work. (TRUST ME, huh Lyn?). If you have taken your relationship as more than friends with Jimmy, you can't go backwards...at least not this soon. Give the poor guy a break...AND DON'T INVITE HIM! (Yep..I'm yelling..)

kerplunkLYN
You are a very selfish person.

trudyML
She's looking forward to the drama.

kerplunkLYN
I still hope they both ditch her. She is clearly lacking, like Jennifer Aniston said, a sensitivity chip.

trudyML
I hope so, too.

Thats me A Fairy
Listen having two F-buddy is one thing (i know Kay and Kendra, I know) making them hang out together....wow that's asking a lot. It sound to me like you want both men there to fawn all over you, this might make you feel good about yourself but your hurting others. Don't be selfish, think about everyone involved.

Socal1962
Jimmy is not an ex of mine...and Matt will feel good knowing Jimmy and I are definitely over

LADYBELLA
Oh my! I know if I were to read this I'd be saying the same thing as you guys but believe me...I'm trying real hard not to be selfish. I just feel as if he already expects an invite and by me not inviting him would give him the "your no longer important" feeling. If Matt and I were serious and very public about it...inviting Jimmy would be out of the question. I'm just thinking "If Jimmy were to call me up and invite me to his birthday thing and said "I hope you're ok with me coming with the new girl I'm dating" I'd be like "He swears like I'm sting hung up on us! Pshhh..." I don't know... I guess I'm afraid of sounding "Presumptuous". Because not ONCE did Jimmy ask "Hey, are you dating anyone else at the moment?" I guess he just assumed since I said I didn't want anything serious and we both threw out the line "I know were not exclusive...blah blah" several times while we dated. So... I guess what you guys are saying is that it would be better if I didn't invite him, he'll feel the "ouch" and THEN... run into me at the bar and would instantly feel like a fool because he crashed my party, then there would be a double ouch. After that...he'd re-evaluate our friendship and feel I was never sincere in wanting a friendship.

Sissy_1
So... I guess what you guys are saying is that it would be better if I didn't invite him, he'll feel the "ouch" and THEN... run into me at the bar and would instantly feel like a fool because he crashed my party, then there would be a double ouch. After that...he'd re-evaluate our friendship and feel I was never sincere in wanting a friendship.Wow! You are very wordy. But yeah..that's about where it stands. Don't invite Jimmy. How much more plain can we get?

Que_Sera_118
You just refuse to get it so, fine, invite him, don't tell him about Matt, tell Matt to keep his distance and pretend everything's fine. I hope at your party they both meet other girls and ditch your conceited a$$.

LADYBELLA
Hahahahaha!!!! Seriously, your advice is appreciated. Geez...I was only trying to see if I could accommodate both guys but ok ok I get it... I guess not LOL!Matt is now my priority and if Jimmy backs away because I didn't invite him...I guess I could make it up to him in a "friendly way".

trudyML
I feel bad Jimmy has you for a friend.

kerplunkLYN
I guess I could make it up to him in a "friendly way".****? You're crazy.