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Advise-is it?
Fruit-loop-s
So my bf is wonderful we talk every night we see each other 2 times a week. Things are good we know each others friends and take trips together. Its been over a year now and he still has not said the "L" word. Is this normal? I feel like things are great but this is just eating at me. He acts like he does but never will say it. We are both in our mid to upper 30s and have both been divorced. I just am to the point that if he is not sure I'm done and don't want to waste time but he assured me we do have something and he wants to be with me. Maybe this is ridiculous but I want him to say it first...Anyone in the same boat? Gone through this before?Advise please...
Guuuut
In general, actions speak louder then words. He was (and you) were burned once before by the L word, so he might be gun shy. If you feel it, say it. At the very least it shifts the dynamic of the relationship to a "fish or cut bait stage". Don't agonize over it or you'll become just another neurotic woman and besides maybe he is waiting for you to say it first. Or maybe the first time you'll hear it is when he proposes. Lots of scenarios.
kerplunkLYN
Yes, I agree with actions speak louder than words. However, if that is something you need to hear to make you feel safe within the relationship, than it's a catch-22. If you love him, I'd say it. Gauge his reaction. If he can't say it back after a year, than maybe he just doesn't "feel" it, and I think a year is sufficient enough to come to this conclusion.
Oh Kay
and I think a year is sufficient enough to come to this conclusion. I agree. I dated this guy a long time ago. We had been together a year, we were even living together. He hadn't said he loved me & it was upsetting me. Well I went to a branding with a friend, discovered the friend wanted to be more than a friend, decided that maybe I should leave this guy & be with someone who DID love me. Went home, climbed in bed thinking that I'd tell him in the morning that I was leaving and as I was going to sleep, I hear "I love you." DAMMIT!!
Kendra_is_Kendra
"I love you." DAMMIT!!That would make a fantastic greeting card Seriously, though, good story XD
Oh Kay
LOL! I hated my 20's.
FNW
It took my husband 9 months to tell me he loved me. He said he felt it from the beginning, but he wanted to make sure it was really love and not just lust. I, too, was ready to throw in the towel. LOL Glad I didn't.
kerplunkLYN
Seriously! Why can something like "I love you make" you so angry when the timing (and/or person) is wrong!
latina84
funny story kay. saying i love you is a big deal that is why i am careful when i say it. Last time i did he did not love me back he was my best friend at one time and then he became my fk buddie. So now i moved on Yeyy. Now i have been dating this great guy for about a month. He has said it and i know he is just being sweet. But i dont say it just to be sweet so i just smile. A year is a long time but you say he shows you he does and maybe he is not comfortable saying it for some reason. But if you DO feel it then say it. I think its a great feeling even if that person does not love you back.
FNW
I had it explained to me like this....at my age (40 at the time) once you fall in love, the next logical step would be marriage. So until you're ready to make that next step, you don't say "I love you". Once you are ready, you say it, you start talking about marriage, and that's that. (And by the way, that's exactly how it happened for me. He told me after nine months, and in almost the same breath mentioned getting married). Personally, I would not have waited longer than a year for the relationship to progress.
Fruit-loop-s
So my bf is wonderful we talk every night we see each other 2 times a week. Things are good we know each others friends and take trips together. Its been over a year now and he still has not said the "L" word. Is this normal? I feel like things are great but this is just eating at me. He acts like he does but never will say it. We are both in our mid to upper 30s and have both been divorced. I just am to the point that if he is not sure I'm done and don't want to waste time but he assured me we do have something and he wants to be with me. Maybe this is ridiculous but I want him to say it first...Anyone in the same boat? Gone through this before?Advise please...
Guuuut
In general, actions speak louder then words. He was (and you) were burned once before by the L word, so he might be gun shy. If you feel it, say it. At the very least it shifts the dynamic of the relationship to a "fish or cut bait stage". Don't agonize over it or you'll become just another neurotic woman and besides maybe he is waiting for you to say it first. Or maybe the first time you'll hear it is when he proposes. Lots of scenarios.
kerplunkLYN
Yes, I agree with actions speak louder than words. However, if that is something you need to hear to make you feel safe within the relationship, than it's a catch-22. If you love him, I'd say it. Gauge his reaction. If he can't say it back after a year, than maybe he just doesn't "feel" it, and I think a year is sufficient enough to come to this conclusion.
Oh Kay
and I think a year is sufficient enough to come to this conclusion. I agree. I dated this guy a long time ago. We had been together a year, we were even living together. He hadn't said he loved me & it was upsetting me. Well I went to a branding with a friend, discovered the friend wanted to be more than a friend, decided that maybe I should leave this guy & be with someone who DID love me. Went home, climbed in bed thinking that I'd tell him in the morning that I was leaving and as I was going to sleep, I hear "I love you." DAMMIT!!
Kendra_is_Kendra
"I love you." DAMMIT!!That would make a fantastic greeting card Seriously, though, good story XD
Oh Kay
LOL! I hated my 20's.
FNW
It took my husband 9 months to tell me he loved me. He said he felt it from the beginning, but he wanted to make sure it was really love and not just lust. I, too, was ready to throw in the towel. LOL Glad I didn't.
kerplunkLYN
Seriously! Why can something like "I love you make" you so angry when the timing (and/or person) is wrong!
latina84
funny story kay. saying i love you is a big deal that is why i am careful when i say it. Last time i did he did not love me back he was my best friend at one time and then he became my fk buddie. So now i moved on Yeyy. Now i have been dating this great guy for about a month. He has said it and i know he is just being sweet. But i dont say it just to be sweet so i just smile. A year is a long time but you say he shows you he does and maybe he is not comfortable saying it for some reason. But if you DO feel it then say it. I think its a great feeling even if that person does not love you back.
FNW
I had it explained to me like this....at my age (40 at the time) once you fall in love, the next logical step would be marriage. So until you're ready to make that next step, you don't say "I love you". Once you are ready, you say it, you start talking about marriage, and that's that. (And by the way, that's exactly how it happened for me. He told me after nine months, and in almost the same breath mentioned getting married). Personally, I would not have waited longer than a year for the relationship to progress.
Fruit-loop-s
So my bf is wonderful we talk every night we see each other 2 times a week. Things are good we know each others friends and take trips together. Its been over a year now and he still has not said the "L" word. Is this normal? I feel like things are great but this is just eating at me. He acts like he does but never will say it. We are both in our mid to upper 30s and have both been divorced. I just am to the point that if he is not sure I'm done and don't want to waste time but he assured me we do have something and he wants to be with me. Maybe this is ridiculous but I want him to say it first...Anyone in the same boat? Gone through this before?Advise please...
Guuuut
In general, actions speak louder then words. He was (and you) were burned once before by the L word, so he might be gun shy. If you feel it, say it. At the very least it shifts the dynamic of the relationship to a "fish or cut bait stage". Don't agonize over it or you'll become just another neurotic woman and besides maybe he is waiting for you to say it first. Or maybe the first time you'll hear it is when he proposes. Lots of scenarios.
kerplunkLYN
Yes, I agree with actions speak louder than words. However, if that is something you need to hear to make you feel safe within the relationship, than it's a catch-22. If you love him, I'd say it. Gauge his reaction. If he can't say it back after a year, than maybe he just doesn't "feel" it, and I think a year is sufficient enough to come to this conclusion.
Oh Kay
and I think a year is sufficient enough to come to this conclusion. I agree. I dated this guy a long time ago. We had been together a year, we were even living together. He hadn't said he loved me & it was upsetting me. Well I went to a branding with a friend, discovered the friend wanted to be more than a friend, decided that maybe I should leave this guy & be with someone who DID love me. Went home, climbed in bed thinking that I'd tell him in the morning that I was leaving and as I was going to sleep, I hear "I love you." DAMMIT!!
Kendra_is_Kendra
"I love you." DAMMIT!!That would make a fantastic greeting card Seriously, though, good story XD
Oh Kay
LOL! I hated my 20's.
FNW
It took my husband 9 months to tell me he loved me. He said he felt it from the beginning, but he wanted to make sure it was really love and not just lust. I, too, was ready to throw in the towel. LOL Glad I didn't.
kerplunkLYN
Seriously! Why can something like "I love you make" you so angry when the timing (and/or person) is wrong!
latina84
funny story kay. saying i love you is a big deal that is why i am careful when i say it. Last time i did he did not love me back he was my best friend at one time and then he became my fk buddie. So now i moved on Yeyy. Now i have been dating this great guy for about a month. He has said it and i know he is just being sweet. But i dont say it just to be sweet so i just smile. A year is a long time but you say he shows you he does and maybe he is not comfortable saying it for some reason. But if you DO feel it then say it. I think its a great feeling even if that person does not love you back.
FNW
I had it explained to me like this....at my age (40 at the time) once you fall in love, the next logical step would be marriage. So until you're ready to make that next step, you don't say "I love you". Once you are ready, you say it, you start talking about marriage, and that's that. (And by the way, that's exactly how it happened for me. He told me after nine months, and in almost the same breath mentioned getting married). Personally, I would not have waited longer than a year for the relationship to progress.