Am I being Greedy as a man?

Redface
Before I blow up and jump the gun I wanna know from a females point of view, how often do you wanna have sex with your man...? Let me give you the scenario, she is 21 Im 25....we have been dating almost a year, But it feels like we are a 90yr old married couple when it comes to this issue..I wanted to have sex last night, but she didn't...(now we did have sex the night before...) But its not enough for me, the length of the sex (she wants to quit) the time frame between when we don't have sex, (varies).. when we first got together we used to hook up like 5 times some days, I want that back and can't get it... we were laying in bed last night I was rubbing on her and she asked me to quit, she picked up a magazine and I watched tv..It felt like I was old and married...We have a great sex life, or had...then when I bring it up she is like (all you care about is getting a$$) I even made a bad mistake and said "maybe we should break up for the weekend so I can get some cause its easier to go to a bar and get it than it is to get it from my girlfriend" (I told her sorry for that) but Im so upset...I dont wanna look elsewhere for sex but I mean, Im having to masturbate as if I was single...I am very very very very unhappy about our sex life, and now if we hook up I feel like im forcing her to do so...She used to attack me with it, then she said "she has to ask me too much that I should be more aggressive" so I did and 7-10 times I do she shoots me down...I cant talk to her about it cause she is all "all you want is booty kinda deal" She doesn't understand this is an issue that Im bout to really and truly drop her for.....cause she makes smart comments that just tick me off that much more...Am I being greedy? I feel like Im 25, Im in my prime, the wind can blow and Im ready for sex, I dont wanna be 45 with ED and wishing I would have done more when I had the chance cause sex is not a hard thing for me to get at all...so this post is not about what to say to her cause talking to her about anything that is linked to my emotions is a no no cause she will tick me off being smart..I just wanna know If Im being greedy to ask for sex atleast 2-3 times a week plus sum on the weekend

Kendra_is_Kendra
I just wanna know If Im being greedy to ask for sex atleast 2-3 times a week plus sum on the weekendIf this is how much you're seeking, then no. That is a pretty reasonable amount of sex to ask for. Um, but that's not really your problem. This is not a quick-fix numbers game.The female libido is really complex and if she's **** at you or resenting you, and it sounds like she is, you're not going to get any.But we've been through this before. Your relationship with her is toxic and it's not healthy. You both pretty much resent each other in spades. Only thing is, it hasn't affected your libido or desire for her, but it's affected hers. And every hurtful thing you say to her about sex is going to further reduce how much sex you get, no matter how much you apologize. I know her role in the demise of this relationship, as you've made those points very clear. What I can't understand is why you continue to stay. Do you want to have children and marry this woman and spend your life with her-- under these circumstances? My honest opinion is that even though you're both emotionally attached to each other, you don't like each other very much. For christ's sake, just end it already. Your relationship has problems way beyond how much sex you're getting. Her frequently turning you down is a symptom of the deeper problems, not the cause.

Oh Kay
Her frequently turning you down is a symptom of the deeper problems, not the cause.Exactly. I had this conversation with some people last night about a couple we all know. He's always complaining he doesn't get any, but he doesn't wash up, doesn't do anything to keep himself from getting filthy at work. The people I was talking to said she was cold. I said maybe he just disgusts her in this realm of things & if he made some effort to be clean & attractive she might be a little more willing. Different circumstances, but same result. No booty for him.

Redface
you are right....she is saying that maybe if I wasn't such and **** then we would have more sex...but when she says that I feel like she is holding sex over my head so I get angry, then she gets angry over me getting angry...lol it never really ends...and it is also true what you say about it affecting her wanting sex with me...cause she has said if I wasn't such an **** then she would want to more, once again I feel like she is using sex to try and control me...and you are beyond right when you said My honest opinion is that even though you're both emotionally attached to each other, you don't like each other very much.She has looked me dead in my face and said, I am the complete opposite of what she wants but yet she can't let me go.....and Im in the same boat...I have never had a problem before letting go...I dont know why it is this way with her....but let me say this...when we did break up I never call, she always calls me...

Redface
I know this no booty thing sucks.....Im not a cheater, but man...... Sumthing has got to give....

Kendra_is_Kendra
This is classic addiction. Just because she called did not mean you had to take her calls. You could change your phone number and block her email address. Serously. This relationship is a **** deal for both of you. Getting more sex will solve nothing, especially since it ain't gonna happen, not on this road you're both taking.

Redface
you make it sound so easy kendra...its not......and Im sure your going to come back with a "I never said it would be" but dammit its hard....Im at a loss, Im feeel like Im bout to cry and I never cry...Im lost....

Kendra_is_Kendra
It's easy in the sense that it's not a complicated solution. It's hard because it'll hurt. Life is painful sometimes and you can't orchestrate your life, or another person's choices or personality. One of my favourite prayers is this: God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.Sometimes I find that if you just accept that life will sometimes hurt you and you accept that for a period of time you are just simply going to be in pain and there is nothing you can do about it except wait it out, it's easier to let people go when you need to.You're at a point where you'd only be trading one kind of suffering for another, one that is hopeless to one that brings you hope later. The right thing to do in a bad situation is always going to be the hardest choice to make.I'm not unsympathetic. I have lingered in bad relationships longer than was healthy for me and I'm not proud of the way I stayed and held on. But I am proud of the way I stood my ground once it was over. And that's all I can pass on, how good you will feel once it's over and you've not caved, and eventually found someone better suited to you.

Ascension NOLE
Drop her dude, she is wasting your time. Let her be some other choad's problem man. If your a good guy than its time to upgrade buddy. There are plenty out there that wont give you this noise, the hard part is finding her. I can say i have been in you position but its something to consider. What ever you decide to do good luck man.

Savoir Faire
If Im being greedy to ask for sex atleast 2-3 times a week plus sum on the weekendThe good news is you do not need to be wasting time with a woman like this. I can tell you from over thirty years of experience, there are women out there than want to have sex with their SOs daily, and multiple time per day. I think you are very patient here, I would have been gone a long time ago.

market
"she has to ask me too much that I should be more aggressive" so I did and 7-10 times I do she shoots me downAhhh! I remember this dance. Too bad she isn't posting, I'd love to chat with her. Anyway, if you want to stay (which I don't recommend) then you need to decide what you really want. If you really just want more s.ex, then you know her rules - figure out how to be better at the game.If what you want is a better relationship, for her to enjoy intimacy, then you need to stop arguing. For example,Her: All you want is booty kinda dealYou: Yes, you are right. Sex is important to me. I did not enter an exclusive relationship to become celibate. But more importantly, this is one of the ways I stay close to you emotionally. What makes you feel close to me emotionally?

Minnesotagal
Unless you really want to try to work things out with her, dump her. there are many issues going on here and if you don't want of feel like putting in the time or work to sort through it, end it. I'm not judging you for this so don't take it that way. i'd dump her too. i would hate to have to beg for it. you already said you can't talk to her about it because she immediatly becomes defensive and putting the blame on you. this is a bad relationship. no s e x and no communication. why are you sticking it out?

Que_Sera_118
Dude, you've only been with her for a year and it sounds like most of that year sucked. When you came on here a few weeks ago with the same problems, you got the exact same advice. Obviously nothing has changed and chances are nothing will.For whatever reason, she isn't interested in having $ex with you as often as you are. She appears unwilling to compromise on this issue, so either you have to accept that or end the relationship.

Coool Dad
Red I tend to agree with what everyone else is saying. It's time to move on, it may not be easy but, if your unhappy you need to do what it takes to be happy. Your only other option is communication/counseling and it sounds like she in not willing. If you decide to break up you have to stand hard, no communication, e-mails, or text it will be hard but will get easier as time goes on. I've been in a similar position, and know your pain, but if your not happy you have to move on. BTW I'm 45 and my libido is just as strong now as it was at your age, and everything works without help from little blue pills.

Kendra_is_Kendra
If you threaten to leave to get it elsewhere, that's ****. If you feel that way, you end the relationship and then go find it elsewhere. I've been thinking, she is probably aware you don't like her much as a person. If she is saying "All you want is sex," I kind of agree... I mean, you resent her and think she's a bad girlfriend and she knows it, so when you try to sleep with her it's going to make her angry because clearly you're only staying to have sex. If you don't like who she is and you want to have sex with her, is she incorrect in her assertion?You have never said one decent thing about this woman. You do not like her, you want her. I say all this only to perhaps bring some clarity as to why she might say that to you.I think she's wrong for staying with you when clearly she doesn't like you either. Maybe she's afraid of being alone. Who knows.Don't get me wrong, I'm not on her "side." I think she's being nuts and I think she is being irrational, but I see how you are both contributing to this toxicity and I don't really see how you two have a future together, not when there is so much mutual contempt.

Oh Kay
BTW I'm 45 and my libido is just as strong now as it was at your age, and everything works without help from little blue pills. Hahaha! I wondered if you'd catch that. I think going to get counseling when you're dating is kind of counterproductive. If you have to go to counseling to date, you should probably find someone who doesn't make you nuts.

Minnesotagal
I think going to get counseling when you're dating is kind of counterproductive. If you have to go to counseling to date, you should probably find someone who doesn't make you nuts. i second that!

PNW_Woman
I really think that the two of you are not compatible at all. But she still wants to keep you around since she's afraid of being lonely. But you have to be happy yourself, instead of dragging on with this. Just break up with her for good.

Coool Dad
Hahaha! I wondered if you'd catch thatYep I kind of take these generalities, a little personal on occasion, and just have to voice my opinion.

RCisbad
My opinion, the frequency declines with time. If it's already dropped off after a year???? Run away!!! It will most likely continue to decrease and if it's a big issue for you now, imagine 5 years from now.

Redface
there are issues here.....I just got off the phone with her....and I asked her and she agreed to this..... 1. we have no trust in each other2. we cannot communicate3. we argue4. sex life has declined I dont know what to do, after all this she is going out to eat with her friends tonight and says its possible that she doesn't see me tonight...let me ask do I argue or worry about the fact that she is not comming to see me or do I just go out with my guy friends and not argue with her about it...just be like ok? toward her?

Redface
kendra you seem to know excatly what is going on.......im serious...its scary how exact you are

Minnesotagal
ahhhh so are you just going to ignore the fact that everyone on here is suggesting you break up with her. those 4 reasons are the reasons people break up!

Oh Kay
do I argue or worry about the fact that she is not comming to see me or do I just go out with my guy friends and not argue with her about it...just be like ok? toward her?Come on guy, get a grip here. You call her back, tell her that you don't think this is working out, then you go out with your guy friends and start the healing process.

Redface
Come on guy, get a grip here.hahaha........yea I know.......I am being weak....I am never this weak.....I dunno what to do....besides the situation is like this.....my friends are her friends so no matter what I do she is around

Minnesotagal
we can't help you if you don't want to help yourself, man.

Redface
listen just tell me this.....and I know this sounds weak saying this but hear me out and tell me.........How do I shake the worry that she could hook up with someone else...I mean Im sure if we break up she will cause I know I too......Im talking about together, if shes not hooking up with me does that mean she is looking for someone else to hook up with?

Redface
we can't help you if you don't want to help yourself, man.i know

Kendra_is_Kendra
How do I shake the worry that she could hook up with someone else...I mean Im sure if we break up she will cause I know I too......Im talking about together, if shes not hooking up with me does that mean she is looking for someone else to hook up with?Sigh... here is the deal. She will sleep with someone else because her sex drive will return. She wants to have sex, just not with you. I know this because I've been there. It's amazing how fast your sex drive returns when you're no longer with someone you're **** off at.A lot of men don't understand that a woman's sex drive is largely psychological and not only hormonal. Some women bypass this and have the sex anyway. Many don't/can't.Look at it this way, she will find someone else-- BUT you will too, someone who doesn't resent/dislike you and wants you. And you will have an opportunity to start over fresh with someone else and not make the same mistakes you made with this woman.I can see your sad dilema. This woman must be incredibly attractive. You don't think you're ever going to find someone as hot as she is, and you're afraid of letting it go because you don't want some other guy to have her instead. Well, dude, that just isn't a logical way to choose a girlfriend.You shake the worry by totally and utterly cutting her out of your life as much as humanly possible. Ask your friends to not discuss her with or around you. If she's going to be there, you're not going. Seriously, out of sight, eventually out of mind.Don't tease yourself by looking at what you can't have. And have some sex with another woman ASAP once you've broken up, something no strings attached. You really need to get laid something fierce. I don't normally make that kind of suggestion, but in your case I really think it would do you some good.

Coool Dad
How do I shake the worry that she could hook up with someone elseYou just have to suck it up and deal with it. I was with a Lady a few years back, and I loved her like no other before. We had allot of issues just like you do, and finally broke up after a year and a half. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, including my divorces. You just have to find things to keep busy and if thoughts of her creep in, change them to negative thoughts, make yourself get mad at her, for the way she treated you. What ever you do don't think about the good times. Hook up with someone for some casual sex, etc. I actually changed the places I hung out so there would be no chance of running into her. It took me over a year to get over her, I'm not going to blow smoke, it's not going to be fun, but you will heal and life will go on.

kerplunkLYN
Dude. Did everyone forget that he broke up with this girl, and **** about buying her everything and she was so ungrateful, and all that ****? Or did I miss the part when they reconciled?

Kendra_is_Kendra
Dude. Did everyone forget that he broke up with this girl, and **** about buying her everything and she was so ungrateful, and all that ****? Or did I miss the part when they reconciled?I missed the part where they broke up in the first place. There is only so much more I'm willing to say about this to him. He's in a resentful and angry relationship where both parties don't like one another and he's complaining about not getting enough sex, as if that was the problem, as if more sex would magically fix everything. It's rather tiring to keep posting to someone who either doesn't get it or isn't prepared to do what has to be done.

Minnesotagal
I'm thinking this guy like the drama their relationship causes. Drama queens are exhausting!

LadyOL
Redface, I have to tell you that I believe the most important sexual organ is between the ears...something has been done to turn her off...I would find things to do that turn that organ back on. She may feel taken for granted and perhaps the relationship is not where she wants it to be, emotionally and physically. That is a hard discussion to have with a man, women don't want to hurt thier loved ones...but something is turning her off, and the more pressure you put on her about it, the worse it will get...because she will feel like you just want her to be a receptacle for your ejaculations. You just don't think you should have to masturbate like a single guy comment was quite telling. It indicates objective lust, not lust just for your lady...and the fact that you flat out told her you could just go to a bar and get sex because it is "easier"...is a definite turn off. I imagine she feels like you want sex, for the sake of your own gratification, instead of seeing it as a mutual gratification. The fact that you could say something like that to her indicates it. I would, if I were you, try NOT to have sex with her. Don't be interested in her sexually for a week. Just be interested in her as a human, and pay attention to HER needs. Most men who complain about lack of sex do not want to exert themselves that way...but to get more sex, you have to be less selfish. Just sayin'

ShiningStar1
Well, I think she wants more love than sex right now ..maybe think of a way to show her you love her without being physical and just do something you enjoy together and buy her some flowers. Bet you will get some then...good luck

tmom628
ok, something else to consider here, some women loose their s.exual urges by going on the pill. Is she on the pill? This happens to me, my friend used to laugh at me cuz when I used the pill, i no longer needed it. My SO just got snipped for just this reason.....he's hoping that comes back SOON!!!!