Am I making myself blind?

Redface
this will more than likely be the last post I write about this...I am in a situation where I am beyond depressed, everyone is asking me what is wrong with me due to the look on my face, tears are drowning my eyes but wont leak out and my stomach burns with insecurity...Over the weekend my gf( the girl from the bad relationship in in that you know about) decided to go out to eat with her friends friday night...She did go with her friends I know that for a fact... She called around 10 that night and told be what she was up too..and I talked to her friend so she was there...the night went on and I was out with my friends, no call from her at all...I got home around 2:30am and called her as I said I would...no answer, called 2 more times no answer...I felt like something wasn't right so I drove to her house around 2:45am it took me about 30-45 mins to get there she lives a little bit away...pull up in her driveway and she is not there!!!! I call 3 more times no answer...I knew where her friend lived right down the road went there and he and his wife were home but my gf was not there....Crushed at the fact I thought she was with another man I drove home hurting emotionally really bad... go home tossed and turned threw-up slept 2-3 hrs that entire night..woke up the next morning called her mother, her mother said she got up to get coffee at 6am and saw my gf's car was home, so she got home round 3:30am-6am....that means when I called she was awake and didn't return or answer my calls...the next day came I called her back afternoon at like 1pm..she answered, I asked her how her night was and stuff acting like I had no clue she wasn't home...she was like "yea I got home around 1am or so" SHE LIED...I called her out on it, and she said she lied because she knew I would get mad if I knew she was out that late...So she told me where she was, she was at this little bar in our hometown, he ex boyfriend was there(she slept with him a year ago while he had a GF and she knew his GF)... My cousin was there that night and said he saw her there, he said he didnt see her talking to any other guys and was hanging out with the girls... I know the bar shut down at 2am and I was at her house at 3:30am so she has a 2--4 hour gap where she was out doing something..I asked her if she cheated on me she swears she didn't...I cant shake this feeling that she did....its just that she keeps that phone on her at all times but said she never checked her phone to see if anyone had called, But I am a 150% sure she did.....Ive gone out before and not answered my phone but it was only because I was asleep, she was awake...Ladies tell me, she swears nothing happened that she just hung out with friends, but everything to me is pointing in the direction that she did...I even went to see her sat night after everything, we had sex, great sex, she told me she loved me a thousand times over and over just crazy nice when she is usually a bit.ch...we had sex like 4 times in 6 hours, but before that I had to beg for it....I have been drowning in the feeling the has done something, What kinda person would she be is she cheated and then the not even 24 more hours hooked up with me? well...we know what that would make her....Once again I am looking for your help, and I promise not to post anything else about this relationship if I can help it Im just confused and lost. And this is not me, Im not myself, my face is stuck with a blank expression and my mind is smoking from all these thought help me.....

Socal1962
Dump her already. OOOYYYYYY.

Oh Kay
Dump her already. OOOYYYYYY. LOL! I couldn't even make myself come up with that much.

Que_Sera_118
IMO, she cheated on you and now feels bad. w*t*f else do people do when they aren't home between 2-4 am? Come on dude, THINK ABOUT IT.

Oh Kay
w*t*f else do people do when they aren't home between 2-4 am? I used to at the local pancake house getting breakfast. What do YOU do when you aren't home between 2 & 4 a.m.?

Redface
people do when they aren't home between 2-4 am?more like 4-6am.....I really think she did, I really do...I just cant understand it, i feel like a idiot cause I haven't called it off with her yet but its right on the tip of my tongue

Socal1962
Redface, Seriously, every time you post about this "girlfriend" we all puke. You're 25, you have so much life ahead of you. Why you keep her and this drama in your life is beyond me. Your wasting your time. MOVE ON.

Oh Kay
Hey, you got sex multiple times in one day without begging...maybe you should be encouraging her to go out more.

Socal1962
What do YOU do when you aren't home between 2 & 4 a.m.? ha, nothing I'll confess to here.......

Redface
, every time you post about this "girlfriend" we all pukeI know and I dont mean to blow this issue up, I just had to do something this feeling has me in a crazy haze...tears are trying to come out but won't, feel sick, head hurts, its like the porblem is set on repeat in my mind. I got it real bad right now.....I just cant see why she would cheat, its like the evidence is right there but I didnt see it so I tell myself it didnt happen but feel like it did

kerplunkLYN
its like the evidence is right there Regardless if she did or did not, the relationship was such **** and beyond repair anyways. Enjoy your goodbye booty and move on!

Oh Kay
I just cant see why she would cheat,Because she's miserable, you're miserable, you make each other miserable, you DON'T GET ALONG!!

Kendra_is_Kendra
She probably cheated because she felt unloved and only wanted for sex, like she's been saying. This relationship is sooooo over and you'll feel better as soon as you break up with her. I can actually promise that.You were afraid she'd find someone else after you? Does that compare to her finding someone else while she is still with you?When your relationship makes you puke, it's probably time to call it quits.

Redface
Enjoy your goodbye booty and move on!that is a great point!!!! I got it several times and real good too, no weak little sex there to the point where she wanted me to stop...now all i need to do is find my nutz and leave her

Oh Kay
...now all i need to do is find my nutz Check her purse....

kerplunkLYN
Check her purse....LOL!

Socal1962
Remedy. Got to a bar, pick up a woman who's open to no strings sex (use a condom) and screw till this "girlfriend" is out of your system. Then say it with me "NEXT".....

Redface
haha.......sh.it hurts....I know it happens often but what does a woman think when she cheats like that? I mean......does she feel like a hooch? remorse? guilt? happy? turned on? how many of you think it sounds like she cheated?

Oh Kay
I don't know that she cheated, but I think she's probably just as tired of this relationship as you are & was probably out telling someone exactly that...or else she was cheating.

PNW_Woman
Well, you can dump her, but then again, she may end up being like that stalker ex in some other thread.. So beware and be prepared for anything.

Guuuut
As I'm reading your post I can't help thinking you have low self esteem. It doesn't just effect women. Break up and work on yourself to make you feel better about yourself. The next time some woman treats you poorly you won't take it and it will be her loss.

PNW_Woman
The relationship seems toxic.

Socal1962
The relationship seems toxic.Agreed, complete poison for both.

Redface
Agreed, complete poison for bothagreed from my end also...letting go is the hard part

Que_Sera_118
letting go is the hard partIt really shouldn't be that hard, you don't even like her. Again, I think the only reason this is hard for you is because you don't really want to let go of the drama, you seem to thrive on it.

Socal1962
...letting go is the hard partwhy?

Redface
cause I really feel like I love her, no matter all the sh.it.......

Que_Sera_118
cause I really feel like I love her, no matter all the sh.it.......Grow up. Seriously, what is it about her that you supposedly "love"?

Socal1962
I love her isn't a good enough answer. I still need to know why? You walk into a room and see her, your heart flips, she stands by your side no matter what. She makes you want to be a better person. What is it?

mike_a
3 WORDS DUMP THAT BI.TCH!!!

Socal1962
Already said that. He has a really thick head.

kerplunkLYN
DUMB THAT BI.TCH!!!AhhhH!!! More classic wisdom from mike! NICVE!

pinstripe
DUMB THAT BI.TCH!!!"dumb" or "dump? Either way, it makes sense.

mike_a
Either way, it makes sense.Sorry on the phone and trying to type. My mind isn't that fast today.

Socal1962
My mind isn't that fast today.Let me say it before anyone else. "TODAY" haha