a doormatt?

Redface
ok I feel like a walking doormatt now!!! just hear me out and give me advice on if I am... I feel there is nothing I can do to make my GF happy... she says I put in no effort, I feel I put in a ton...she says she puts in a ton...I dont see it... I pay for everything we do..I dont mind I make great money now,but I feel its so unappreacatied...she never says thank you for lunch, dinner, movies, drinks when we go out...never..I finally had to tell her I dont feel like your greatful of these things and her remark was "do I have to say thank you everytime" but I feel a thank you is in order without me having to say anything that makes me feel weird to ask.. When we go out with her friends she keeps her back to me the whole time..just about ignoring me or thats how i feel...Sex used to be the best every for me and she says with her also but thats even getting tough because she says she always has to ask for sex..well the truth is I do wait for her to want too cause there has been several times where I wanted to and she turns me down, so atleast when she says she wants it I know its gonna happen.. I got a trip planed out for us this weekend. we are going to a top of the line hotel and spending most of the money I have saved right now to put a smile on her face and I dont even think that gonna work..I feel like a doormatt.. Im at a loss and the twist of it all is she makes me feel like its my fault??? she says she acts the way she does because thats the way I make her...Im feeling like a ******in sugar daddy or sumthing.. I say a comment that one of her friends left about the trip and her friend said"oh u guys are staying there that cost big $$$" and her reply to it was "he is paying for is so its not big $$ for me but I do get paid tomorrow lol" her exact words...sex looking slim, calls getting short, argue about nothing and I think she wants to argue just so we wont have sex or sumthing cause thats when we argue mostly is when we lay down at night...what do I do...man up and end this thing? am I being used as I think I am...I love her and all but she seems so ungreatful, and where did the sex go? its been horible latley please help!!!!!!!!

Happy as ever
Maybe you should separate for a while and try to figure out if you both really want each other. it sounds like it's going down hill for sure. How long have you been together?

quickblade14
Would you please quit putting out so much money - you're making the girl feel like a prostitute!

Danger Russ
what do I do...man up and end this thing?Yes. Thats crazy sh1t. If they make you feel like a sugar daddy they had better at least give you the f**king sugar! I know its tough to let go of a hot girl, and its not like you don't have the money to keep throwing at her, but this will not end well for you, friend. Save some face and drop her like the bad habit she is. spending most of the money I have saved right now to put a smile on her face and I dont even think that gonna workBeen there, done that, didn't work. Drop the ho.

sabs83
She just seems to be a spoiled primadonna. I mean, can't say thank you for a meal? I have thanked guys I have lived with and dated for over a year for every meal they have taken me out to. I mean, it's just manners for crying out loud! It does sound like you do a lot for her but a lot of what you mention sounds financial. Perhaps she has some unmet emotional needs? If you really love her arrange a time-before bedtime-to talk about where your relationship is going. Talk to her about what you have and have not been doing and what she's looking for and you can do the same for her. If you guys are meant to be hopefully it will get you on the same page. But if she continues the spoiled princess act I'd say drop her.

latrice80
I can't stand females that use males for their money and that's all this sounds like. You have been spending money on her and she thinks that if she withholds she still can still have her cake and eat it too. She thinks she's got it like that. It's up to you to show her otherwise. If I were you, I'd cut off doing all the expensive stuff. Starting with cancelling this trip to the hotel- if there is no penalty. Keep your money in your pocket- because if she gets paid on Friday, let her plan something. Start there. I'm not saying to play games but you don't know what you've got till it's gone and she sounds like she is taking you for granted. That's what women do- start to withdraw or retreat/ stop talking if we feel taken for granted. Why don't you start expressing this feeling to her as you are making your way out the door?

Julia3d
I take it very personal when people do not say thank you to me. My husband gets a big kiss with a thank you. And he is told what a wonderful husband he is. She should do this as well. Instead of staying in the relationship for trips and nice hotels. I think you should sit her down and ask her what are her intentions for staying with you.

Redface
thank you all for the advice...I think she is gold diggin me...Im not rich or anything but I feel so unappreciated its crazy..we have been together for 6 months for those of you who asked..I dont think she understands what manners are or sumthing. If I cancel this trip she is gonna be PO'ed. I dunno I feel sumthing shady is going on with her too I haven't even really talked to her this entire week..if feels like we are not even dating right now

Julia3d
I would go with your gut and cancel this trip. The entire time she will be making you unhappy anyway.

gsxr750
She's wiping her feet on you as I type this. Move on!!

Kendra_is_Kendra
To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't want to sleep with you either. This is a very whiny post, I must say. I do not see a man with a spine. I do not see a kind man. I see a guy who is trying to buy his girlfriend's love and is shocked that his spending has not earned her respect. You've set a tone in this relationship that makes it all about money. I don't think you are projecting much self respect at all. I don't hear anything about you wanting her to love you for you, or anything about real feelings. No, it's just money and gratefulness. Are you being used? Sure, why not. That's what you want to hear, right? You spend and spend and spend... Clearly she is in the wrong, right?I think you're in the wrong as well. I think you need to end this relationship and take some time to grow a pair before finding someone else. Women don't feel loved based on money. I had a boyfriend who spend a lot on me and I felt like he wasn't really trying. Money was nothing to him. I wanted emotions. I wanted a loving relationship. I wanted time and energy, the kind I was putting in. I didn't want him throwing money at me. Mind you, I always said thank you. Don't get me wrong, I don't think she's being a good girlfriend either. I do think she is being unappreciative and, yes, a thank you every time is not too much to ask whatsoever. My point is this: You need to first end this unhealthy realationship. But when you start dating again, spend less on your girlfriends and have some dignity. Let her reciprocate. Hold women you date to a higher standard of behaviour. And don't rely on money so damn much. That's a very unattractive quality. When you put so much money into a woman, you're giving her a stronger incentive to stay with you other than loving you. If you don't want a gold digger, stop being an easy-access gold mine.

lilqt84
Alright Redface! Lemme tell you from a girls opinion. You feel like a doormat and she knows it! She has seen your weakness and is totally taking advantage of you. She has you right where she wants you. She can talk to you anyway that she wants, act any way she wants and guess what, You aren't going anywhere! She knows you would rather stay with her and b**ch about it than man up and leave her a**! Believe it or not there are girls out there that will stay with a guy and truly make his life miserable as long as he keeps buyin.....My advice to you is cut it off. Your not her daddy....and you sure don't owe her ANYTHING. When you first started doing this you felt like it was the nice thing to do and I'm sure in the beginning she appreciated it right? Sure! But now....she expects that s**t. You need to step up to this chick and just tell her...Ya know I don't mind spending money on you but your being a brat. If all you are is a paycheck to her...let her move on to the next schmuck willing to do it....cause you're better than that!!

Oh Kay
I have thanked guys I have lived with and dated for over a year for every meal they have taken me out to. I mean, it's just manners for crying out loud!Exactly. I thank dates, I thank my parents, I thank people who do nice, considerate things for me.

quickblade14
Here's a thought....in the beginning of dating everybody is putting the best foot forward to impress and please - to be found desirable and get attention.But, if after a few dates, or in more casual dating situations - you see someone who doesn't thank the waitress for the coffee refill - you can pretty much chalk it up to the fact that "politeness" was an act meant to impress you - and it won't continue at you or anybody else while you're around.I found this hilarious - but everybody has their own indicators. the man I've been with for 7 years, he said he KNEW I had manners and that my attitude of gratitude wasn't an act when after 6 dates, I was still leaning over to his side of the car and unlocking his door. His view is that people that are polite - aren't necessary appreciative. Showing consideration for someone in small ways is appreciation. And yes, I'm still thanking him on a regular basis for dinners, etc. He's still unlocking my door when we go out - and I still lean over and unlock his side!We've been doing that for everybody, everywhere we go - all our lives - why treat someone we like and respect with less consideration and appreciation than a perfect stranger!

FNW
Exactly. I thank dates, I thank my parents, I thank people who do nice, considerate things for me.I do too. I thank my husband every night he cleans the kitchen after dinner.

Redface
wow kendra thats pretty hardcore to say I dont have a spine...truth be told I called it off with this gurl 3 times in the past...and was really done with her...but then she starts with the emails and stuff and I take her back and then it goes right back to the same ole same ole'.. So yea maybe she does have me right where she wants me and yea maybe I think spending money is a way of buying her love...I like to be able to take care of my gurl (im not rich but if I got it I spend it)..I just had always felt like it went unoticed by her and she was un-greatful...I dont mean to wine... Im going on this trip anyway..not for her but for me...I haven't been anywhere all summer and I am going to have a vacation while I can.. I think this will be a good test to see if we can work or not.(im leaning toward the not) but I think that if we cant have fun together on this trip then its not gonna work out with us and I will walk away from it the man that I am kendra.. I have been less of a man in this whole problem cause to tell you the truth I am head over heels in love with her..thats why I seem whiny..cause my heart is tangled up into this relationship and I guess by ur view I should have been a "real man" and not let that happen..

Kendra_is_Kendra
pretty hardcore to say I dont have a spine...truth be told I called it off with this gurl 3 times in the past...and was really done with her...but then she starts with the emails and stuff and I take her back Yeah, exactly, no spine. Don't think I don't get what it's like to be in love and weak and whiny over it. I've been there. It makes you mad at yourself and it sucks. But what I've learned from that is when you're wallowing in this weakness, you need a good kick in the arse. And that's what I'm doing. I don't think it's helpful to you to just blame her and praise you.You know? When you see your own contribution to the problem you're facing, you're better equipped to change your situation. It gives you your personal power back.Right now your choices and behaviour are all about keeping her and hating the circumstances surrounding it: her not appreciating it and you letting her get away with treating you like a free meal ticket.I hope you've learned a few things so that this doesn't repeat itself later: Don't try to buy love. Material efforts should always be coming from a genuine desire to make her happy, not to make her love you. See the difference?I bet she can see the difference. And it's hard to respect someone who relies on money to make you like them. Probably factors into the lack of appreciation.

Redface
I don't think it's helpful to you to just blame her and praise you.ur right

kerplunkLYN
...I like to be able to take care of my gurlThat's great, but it doesn't sound likes she's taking care of you back.

quickblade14
I think an adjustment in expectations would still let you enjoy the trip and her company.Expectation of her appreciation is what is causing the upset at the lack of her appreciation as you interpret her actions, words, etc.Stop "expecting" her to be appreciative - you know she's not.You're now dating her not expecting appreciation or consideration - you're dating her because she's eye candy and everybody knows that a hot woman on your arm, has lots of other hot women looking in your direction....which you can now proceed as you're not committed in a relationship but just dating - to get numbers, and go out.

kerplunkLYN
No, this is the nice guy's mantra. I do all this for her and what does she do for me nothing? So instead of putting in less effort, you put in more. And more. So you are the martyr who does everything and you are unappreciated and your good deeds are not reciprocated. Well, let's review. You give, and she doesn't say thank you. You give some more, no thanks. So you give more and more and more, with the same result. When are you going to figure out that your action plan isn't getting you the desired results?

Utah Momma
Red, if you take her on this trip with you, I will have to punch you! This woman is gold digging you. As for making her feel like a prostitute she must like it. If I had a man like you I would be lapping you up like milk. I have been alone for 6 years and have not had a man treat me like that. What a treasure you are. Find someone who treats you like on and wants to be good to you. LEAVE HER!! She isn't happy, and you can tell her that. You are quoting her. To the curb. Period.

Redface
She isn't happy,this is a true statement...she is not happy...or not happy with me but i think its sumthing deep in her that is not happy..as far as her going with me....i made these plans two weeks ago and i am a man of my word..so we are going i already paid...so dont hit me momma...She laughs and cuts up with everyone but me...thats her front...behind closed doors she is very depressed and unhappy and I cant fix that for her

Utah Momma
Leave her so she can fix it. You can't do it for her, she doesn't deserve you, and she doesn't care to make it better. I will punch you if you take her. There is also the clean one owner known as Walking Alone if you are interested.

Julia3d
Redface,Maybe you should block this girls e-mail address. The next time you break up with her. That way you do not feel suckered into this abnormal relationship.

Redface
There is also the clean one owner known as Walking Alone if you are interested.lol are you talking about the lady walking alone? lol Momma?

Aaryn S Gray
she's a brat, she needs to be grounded and taken her phone and computer privileges away. Tell her, if you act like a brat, then I'll discipline you like a parent.

Redface
I dont pay for all that lol...its not money...its gratitude thats all...I feel unappreciated to the point where it makes me sick to my stomach....and she doesn't even know..like she makes comments like it sucks to leave her friends cause they are doing something this weekend..like Im draggin her to do this with me...like she would rather do A than B and I pre-paid for this **** lol

Redface
ok I canceled the trip let me tell you the last straw!!! She called me to ask me to go out to eat tonight...I said I needed to save my money for this trip but if she could pay for dinner then we could go..she got mad at me...she was like are you serious????? SHE GOT PAID TODAY!!!!! so I'm tired of feeling used and unappreciated. called and canceled the resvs....I love her with the lil bit of heart I got but I cant take feeling like this anymore.....

slinky9
You are being set up to be used and taken advantage of by always paying. When you measure your love for someone in dollars, you attract those who are gold diggers. If you establish in the beginning that you are equals, and that you don't expect to pay all the time or give lavish gifts, you may be more successful. Money does not equal love. Giving gifts does not equal love. Find other ways to express your love, so that you have less chance of being taken advantage of. You did the right thing. This woman is an entitled princess, and you don't deserve that.

Kendra_is_Kendra
If you establish in the beginning that you are equals, and that you don't expect to pay all the time or give lavish gifts, you may be more successful. Money does not equal love. Giving gifts does not equal love. Find other ways to express your love, so that you have less chance of being taken advantage of.This is excellent advice. Take it to heart.I think you know you need to end this relationship.

Coool Dad
Good for you, listen to what everyone is saying. I have been in a relationship like you are in, and it does no one any good. I now refuse to be with a woman that doesn't show appreciation, for things I do for her, in return I show appreciation for the things she does. It's a 2 way street if the relationship is going to be healthy. Love can only take you so far before the resentment starts to set in, as it looks to have done with your relationship. Do yourself a favor and find someone that appreciates you, and don't settle for less.

Oh Kay
she's a brat, she needs to be grounded and taken her phone and computer privileges away. Tell her, if you act like a brat, then I'll discipline you like a parent.

call it what you want
sounds like she's done. Find some worthwhile

call it what you want
oh just read that you cancelled the trip. Good for you! Now if you can just keep that attitude up either she'll realize what a goof she's been or move on to the next sucker

Julia3d
Redface,Does she know you canceled the trip yet?